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Thread: Pleas, Please some advice

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    Default Pleas, Please some advice

    Hi, everyone.
    First things first. I need to move to Helsinki for academic purposes. Basically Iím looking for advice about the common behaviors or the general attitude of the Finnish people. I know, I know. Just some brief lines and live experiences not a PhD thesis.
    I had met some Finnish in the past, but a phew girls drunk next to a DJ booth is maybe not the best place for social research. I think is almost impossible to get a basic understanding of the deep and complex feelings of a nation with out a long time living and thatís even short.

    So, based in that knowledge I will like to share a few personality aspect of my persona and what should I expect in return. What should I change?
    Iím a Caribbean (super mixed), although I consider myself as a black guy. Super sensitive towards racism, and being a big strong-tall man with boxing like a hobby, doesnít help. I donít want to end in jail every week or being deported. I know for most European the whole idea beating other guy face is barbaric. Here we have a completely different thought. Better to keep my fist down?

    Women. In my country the women are in charge of everything and they expect to be treated like queens. We like that. But in return we (men) demand too much. We suffer of insecurities, fears and other stuff, because at the end of the day women fix everything. If my professor is a woman then my score are higher just by being a man, my coworkers should work more than me just because of her chromosomes and so on.
    We expect beautiful women every time doing our duties and still being hugged and spoiled. That background confuses me all the time. I canít even see a man guy arguing with a girl with out my blood boiling.

    As I say before Iím not looking for establishing. Neither work. I will end up in college, which is pretty much, the same environment around the world. Ha

    Ciao ciao you sweet Finnish and citizen of the world.

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    Default Re: Pleas, Please some advice

    Well, I have to say your post gave lot a think about. At first I could say something about relationship between men and women. In Finland women want to consider themselves equal to men, meaning for example that they should be paid as well as men for doing the same tasks. This is not yet completely happening. And while wanting to treated equally, women still want to be spoiled and treated well - I mean, who wouldn't want that!

    But there's constantly ongoing "battle of sexes" meaning we are not sure of our roles anymore. The gap between "womens work" and "mens work" is getting smaller, at it's sometimes confusing.

    But anyways, your being a man doesn't make your grades better. But sometimes good grades aren't even expected. In elementary school, for example, boys are expected to aim their interest towards something else than schoolwork, and that is accepted. "Boys will be boys" they say even in Finland. If you're a girl, you are expected to get good grades...

    Man, this is difficult subject to answer

    And to that boxing-thing, I would say keep your hand down. Finnish people don't fight unless they're drunk, otherwise all kind of fighting and hassling is considered unpleasant...
    But of course, this is only my way of seeing things Others can disagree!

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    Default Re: Pleas, Please some advice

    Boxing-thing, ha. Youíre funny (sarky way, thought). I was just trying to make a point. Lost in translation as always. Although I used the word women to describe feminine world as a general thing, I have never met two women with the same set of ideas, even similar ideas. Ha.
    So the basic form of interaction is not interaction at all?
    The average progression of your basic day-by-day should remain untouched by the tension and sensations of the opposite sex?
    Man. Thatís harsh, really harsh. Now I understand why you people get so drunk on vacation, is like your super-antidote against social restrains.
    I will get imprinted t-shirts, that should do it, yep
    Ciao ciao and thx

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    Default Re: Pleas, Please some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by boymca View Post
    Boxing-thing, ha. Youíre funny (sarky way, thought). I was just trying to make a point. Lost in translation as always. Although I used the word women to describe feminine world as a general thing, I have never met two women with the same set of ideas, even similar ideas. Ha.
    Yeah of course we don't talk sexes as general thing, I made few generalizations there but you cannot wholly rely on that when dealing with some native Finn

    Quote Originally Posted by boymca View Post
    So the basic form of interaction is not interaction at all?
    I'm not sure what do you mean by this.

    Quote Originally Posted by boymca View Post
    The average progression of your basic day-by-day should remain untouched by the tension and sensations of the opposite sex?
    No, I don't think we ever can accomplish that.. I think I'm looking it from hands-in - perspective, meaning are there any women's tasks and mens tasks. I think most women in Finland want to feel that they can do same things as men. Which unfortunately isn't always true. We want to show that we are tough, independent sex but at the same time we want to rely on men as companions who don't let us handle everything ourselves.

    Quote Originally Posted by boymca View Post
    Man. Thatís harsh, really harsh. Now I understand why you people get so drunk on vacation, is like your super-antidote against social restrains.
    I hate to admit it, but this is, if not the whole truth, at least partially true.

    This is quite exiting for me to try to make myself clear with my second language, when I'm not even sure what I mean myself

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    Default Re: Pleas, Please some advice

    Well I can try to tell you from my experience as an exchange student in Finland.

    I just want to warn you, sometimes it's hard to be accepted as a stranger in Finland (that's what a lot of people say). I think it's more true with older Finns (older generations). You wouldn't have trouble with students in University, well that's what I would think because from the Finns I know from that generation, they are really open to strangers.
    But I guess it all depends on your attitude toward their culture. If you show you are interested in their culture and know some basic things about their history, culture, or else, it will be easier to be appreciated as a stranger. Knowing some of the language is a biiiiig help. Well if I compare my stay there to another american student, who didn't knew much of the culture and language, my stay was quite nicer.
    I'd suggest you to find a book on Finland, it usually gives you a good overview of the culture and history, and some might also give you some words to learn! you can find those in the travel section of a library.

    When it comes to social interactions, you have to know, Finns might seem like cold people who don't talk much, but really, they are really welcoming and friendly. They just really respect the silence, it is not seen as impolite or awkward. So don't worry if it's quite silent. people are not mad at you, that's just in their nature. But of course, with a few beers they get quite talkative! I'd say you have to gain their trust before they get more familiar with you and talk more. I don't really know how to give you advice on how to befriend a finn, but it's basically a normal thing. I'm sure that if you have room mates, it will be a good start to make friends!
    oh, I'm not sure about how carrabian people behaves when meeting people, but if it is a bit like the hispanic way (hugging, kissing cheeks and such), Finns might be a bit startled by this, since they barely hug each other (unless they are really close friends). It's always a good thing to know, how people behave when meeting new people

    when it comes to men/women status, well like Noora said, Finland is a country where they fight for the equality of sexes. sometimes women can be more dominant in the house (for exemple, in my host family, my mom had quite a strong personnality! my dad was the kind of person to hide behind his newspapers wishing not to be dragged into an argument :P). but I'd say the best thing to do, is treat every one equally. If you find a girlfriend during your stay, there's nothing wrong with making her feel loved

    For the boxing part, I'd say unless you go boxing as a hobby in a gym, you shouldn't take it out on the street. Finns are not violent people, but sometimes you never know with drunken people! (well I've never seen any violent people in a bar).

    I hope this can help you a bit! if you have any more questions you can always ask! I'll try to answer them at my best!

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